it's been awhile. |
| http://metroplastique.tumblr.com |
and andy goldsworthy's words and art are speaking to me...
"the image of someone dying is burned on you~ the day after the death, i made a work with a hole on the tree. i see it as a visual entrance into the earth, an entrance there between which life both ebbs and flows. i'm drawn into the depth and out of that comes growth also... the black is the absence~ it's the intangible but in the context of a tree that i know will come back to life... "
~andy goldsworthy in "rivers and tides"
a few mornings ago, the sun was just thinking about rising, and my family (one larger and one smaller than the last time i wrote) was driving on the road that was the last road my dad drove on before...
before he went through that hole to somewhere else...
we were driving on the road that echoes the river next to it. there was mist on the river, mist in my eyes.
the river and i, still, and moving beside each other.
the morning light delicate, the moon still hanging full and ready to face the sun.
i wasn't quite ready to face it as i rode on that road.
i'm lonely without my dad.
and yet, i always have him with me now. at least, i'm now aware of having him with me. he's been there all along. with me deep in my cells. my biology. my heart. my spirit.
still, i'm lonely without him. in a burning, wish i could get his response after reading this blog post, and hear him say my name, and smell him when he's hugging me, kind of burning.
this burning ebbs and flows, in the way life does, it circles around and hits me in new places and unexpected memories. and so i turn to the natural world~
and find myself in the swirl of leaves racing each other to the ground, spider webs heavy with dew, frost waiting to last longer than the first hour of daylight and i am reminded of this aching beauty of life. all this death (of autumn!!) is gorgeous. loud. glorious.
and full of grace.
just like my dad.
