"hope puts the color in the sky..."

From ucmoons.tumblr.com

"when did we get so careful? when did we lose ourselves? afraid, we fade out."

~matt nathanson

i've been drawn to that anias nin quote for years... the one when the "day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom." and i keep finding it in my consciousness again these days. obviously, this is the new year, and i'm talking about revolutions here, so i've been thinking about what is the revolution that is honestly happening inside. for years, i've been drawn to this quote... for now, i'm feeling like i'm beginning to live it.

 i'm loving the stretch, the making room, the opening wide... i have to slow down a bit to let it all sink in. 

the past few days i've been sitting with books in my lap, and remembering what it feels like to turn pages, feel one side of the book go from thin to thick as i move through it. and that's what the greater part of my life is feeling like too... going from thin to thick as i move through it. when i'm sliding through my days, not paying attention, the ice feels thin, and ready to crack at any moment. but when i slow down and notice, my footing (even if it is ice), becomes thick and ready for anything.  

ucmoons.tumblr.com

i've been "tight in the bud" for about the right amount of time, i'd say. i've let myself grow into that space, and i've loved being there, and now i'm ready to surprise myself with whatever comes by peeking my head out of this handy little bud that has sheltered and nourished me. 

 ucmoons.tumblr.com  

the risk to blossom. it can feel like jumping into choppy seas. fragmented. it can feel like going backwards, to when you were young and tender and innocent, and naive. but it can also feel quite "grownup". i have a crowd of people around me like lifeboats filled with cheerleaders (how lucky am i!?!?). i have a love of salty water, and an innate ability to float. i have vision and verve, and know when i need to simply breathe. 

ready to risk the blossoming. ready to burst into a beautiful new day. 

you?