winding and weaving

http://wonderous-world.com/post/65641134338/favorite-season-red-forest-by-alfon-no

o, how i'm drawn to the curve, the swirl, the bend, the corner... where you push down on the gas pedal half way through the turn, and feel your stomach drop out as you pull forward. 

you know, you'll never know what's around that bend. you'll not see it coming. 

it's truth: the bend, the stretch. 

             the swirl, the way. 

http://elfentau.tumblr.com/post/29987720962

when you climb those hills and urge and urge your car, your spirit, your mind to "make it!!" you are reminded of that gift in view as you round a bend, of the gift of details hidden in the curves. of the present, and the awareness you must keep to stay between the lines and not fall off the edge. 

off the edge. 

it makes me dizzy to even think of it. 

it's the root of my fear of heights. 

the edge... 

http://500px.com/photo/40133150

but couldn't i see that the edge is another curve? an adventure to find what is at the bottom. what of this worrying? this fear? 

someone wise told me recently that anxiety is like an umbrella you think might protect you from the weather (the true feelings and fears).... and i remembered how much i hate umbrellas. i mean, i'm using the word "hate" here. what a nuisance they are. just something else to carry. and i have many other jobs for my hands that i much prefer: playing piano. holding hands. 

even, wiping away tears. 

so i think i'll drop this umbrella of fear and anxiety. ("everything is already okay.") i think i'll lean into these curves and edges. 

i still don't know what is waiting for me. 

perhaps the best present of all. 

i'll not see it coming. the thrill of it all.