doors and moonbeams

whenever one door closes, another door opens. (http://www.redbubble.com/people/mortelliti/works/18640-doorway)

  the kids have been watching "the sound of music" again recently... and it's one of those deals where watching/looking at/reading anything more than once gives it all new meanings.

there are the timeless quotes, "whenever one door closes, another opens", and "you've brought music back into this house."

i can't even imagine how many times i've watched this movie, as a child myself, and now as an adult. but these days it's hitting me in another new way...

i remember wishing i could fast forward the section of the movie where the reverend mother is convincing maria that she needs to return to the captain's house, and face her fears. and then, of course, she sings~

"climb every mountain"

climb every mountain, search high and low, follow every highway, every path you know

climb every mountain, ford every stream, follow every rainbow, til you find your dream

a dream that will need all the love you can give

every day of your life, for as long as you live!!

and now... how could i ever skip that part!??! here is what we're doing right now:

we're climbing our mountains, searching high and low to find our dreams.

but, here's the part that i hadn't really heard until now:

a dream that will need all the love you can give

every day of your life

for as long as you live.

i've been thinking about how much i'm feeding my dreams with love. don't we have to know what are dreams are before we can give them love.... i've been trying to write my dreams down, identify them. and then again, i have to remember mother superior singing with the other nuns about maria "how do hold a moonbeam in your hand?"

these days my dreams are feeling like moonbeams... moving slowly through my mind, crawling across the floor while i sleep, when i wake before dawn. they're glittering. they're enticing, they're making dark spaces not so scary. romantic, even.

these days my dreams are feeling like the ruby seeds of pomegranates. they are filling my whole being with juicy light, pressing up against each other and holding each other in place. when i squeeze them (dreams and pomegranate seeds) in my fingers, they burst and stain my skin, leaving their mark. and when i pop them into my mouth (giving dreams "air time", biting into seeds) they burst, and their sweet tartness leaves a goofy grin on my face.




i can share a dream that i have while taking a nap with all of you. but what of all the waking dreams i'm having? it's a bigger leap to share those. i guess i'm thinking, i guess i'm feeling that these waking dreams are needing all the love that i have to give them....

if i wasn't so happily married and living the life i'm living, i'd be drawn to becoming a nun as maria was in "the sound of music"... there's something pure and romantic about that idea.

for i know that god, or the universe or whatever you (or i) want to call it, has a plan for me. and it would seem, at first, that in a abbey, i could find the focus and clarity quicker than i can find it while making lunches, and doing laundry. it would seem that way. however, i hear mother superior encouraging maria when maria returns to the abbey, afraid because she loves the captain and god: 

"our abbey is not be used to escape. what is it you can't face? are you in love with him? you have a great capacity to love. but you must find out how god wants you to spend your love. you must go back. these walls were not built to shut out problems, you have to face them. you have to live the life you born to live." 

and i, too, am blessed to get to make lunches and do laundry, and to feed, to find and to share my waking dreams with you. a new door is opening... wonderful plans are being revealed... and i can't wait to share them with you!!